help! my child hates the highchair

Highchair refusal is a common issue with little ones, particularly toddlers – even more so for those that are a little pickier. Knowing how to tackle it can be really helpful to ensure it doesn’t become an ongoing issue. Ideally, I recommend holding the boundary of the highchair – it is a great way to maintain what little control we do have and I am a firm believer (when possible) that the highchair/eating at the dining table creates a really predictable, family orientated mealtime environment.

Your little one’s age, will influence the reasons behind why they aren’t happy in the highchair, however, the first thing I encourage you to look at is whether they are comfortable.

One of the biggest myths of feeding your little one is that eating is the body’s biggest priority (we’d die if we didn’t eat, right?). However, eating isn’t our body’s first priority – rather we have two far more important priorities, that if aren’t met, eating will become incredibly difficult. Our body’s top three priorities are:

1. Breathing

2. Posture**

3. Eating

Postural stability, at the most basic level, help protect our brains – the purpose of being upright, is to ensure we don’t fall over and hit our head. Postural stability also supports our breathing muscles – our number one priority! Being stable, allows our body to focus on the task of eating, something that takes a lot of effort for our little people as it is so new and unfamiliar. Finally, being stable, allows for better hand to mouth coordination and range of motion of the jaw, required for chewing.

We are trying to achieve a 90 – 90 – 90 position

• Back is up lovely and straight, we want to achieve a 90-degree angle at the hips, knees and ankle.

Upright Positioning

We want our little ones to be sitting with a lovely upright, straight back – many highchairs are sloped and aren’t conducive to this upright positioning. If this is your highchair, you can instead, roll/fold a towel up and place it behind your little ones back to have them sit upright. If this something that you need to do, you may need to place a non-slip mat under their bottom to help keep them in this position.

90 degrees at knees

In order to achieve this 90-degree angle at your little one’s knees, they will need to be sitting forward enough that their knees are at the edge of their seat. This is where shallower seats are good, however, this can also be achieved using the above method for achieving an upright position.

90 degrees at ankles

In order to achieve this 90-degree angle at your little one’s ankles, they need a foot rest. A foot rest that can be adjusted based on leg length as they grow. This foot rest ideally, needs to be wide enough that their whole foot fits on the rest, to ensure they get that full support and proprioceptive feedback (feedback through touch, feel and pressure). If you don’t have a highchair with a foot rest, you can easily create one with a nappy box, or books. The caveat here is that you want the foot rest to be stable and heavy, so that your little one can’t use it to play/kick.

Trunk stability 

We also want our little ones to be stable through their trunk and to feel supported through their sides, particularly if they have lower muscle tone. This isn’t as essential for all children, but can be helpful if you notice that your little one is a bit wriggly, or a prone to leaning over the sides of the chair. Also helpful if you have a particularly wide seat on your highchair.

Table/Tray

Ideally, our little ones are up at the dining table so we can eat together – this also helps to minimise food dropping and throwing as they have the wide surface of the dining table to reduce the likelihood and make it less easy to drop or throw food off the side of a narrow tray. Either way, we want the tray or table to fall between your little one’s belly button and breast level.

REMEMBER – your little one’s seating arrangement will need to be adjusted every three months or so, to keep up with the rapid way in which they grow. This doesn’t mean every component will need adjusting, as our little one’s body parts grow at different times, but keep an eye on each of the components to the 90 – 90 – 90 positioning.

Next, I would suggest ensuring that your little one is actually hungry – lack of hunger will be a big deterrent for your little one. If they aren’t hungry, in their mind, they have far better things to be doing than sitting in their highchair. So, take a look at your routine and ensure that you are offering food 30-60 minutes after a milk feed for younger babies (your little one may need as much as 90 minutes), and for toddlers, ensure you are offering food no more frequently than 2-3 hourly.

The above two reasons are the easiest to troubleshoot, however, there may come a time when your toddler simply wants to push some boundaries – a very frustrating, but normal part of development. This is where the hard work comes in. I strongly encourage you to hold the boundary of the highchair, but never force your child to stay at the table as this can create negative mealtime associations. A great phrase to use here is “the food stays at the table, but your body doesn’t have to”. This reinforces that meals are eaten at the table, but if your little one isn’t hungry, they don’t have to remain seated and eat, thus respecting their body autonomy. As your little one gets older, you can reinforce table manners, when in social situations, but for our little toddlers, this tends to be futile. It can take a few days of reinforcing this, for you to notice a change, however, if this isn’t enough, you can also try resets. This simply involves the process above of reiterating that “food stays at the table, but your body doesn’t have to”, but providing your little one the opportunity to step away from the table and have a play for 5-10 minutes, before returning to have some food.

What I would encourage you NOT to do, is take a break from the highchair, moving to a toddler table and chairs, a picnic style meal, offering food in front of the tv, introducing distractions etc, unless absolutely necessary. What happens when we do this, is we lose what little control we have over meals. It can also pose a safety risk – toddlers are notoriously fickle with their listening skills, and if they start to walk around, play, get up and down, not focus on eating etc, the risk of choking (even in a toddler) increases considerably.

The only exception to all of the above, is if your little one is REALLY distressed at the idea of being at the table, or following a period of sickness. We want to avoid negative associations with the table and meals, hence why I would suggest if very upset, you move away from the table for a period. Typically, most children respond well to a short break, but others may have outgrown their highchair or really dislike it. If this is the case, I would suggest trying to find the next best option.

• Can you purchase a toddler dining chair?

• Can you purchase a booster seat, and footrest for your dining table?

• You can opt to use a toddler table and chairs; however, this will mean you won’t be able to eat with your little one, and they are freer to move about