Language around food + bodies

It’s crazy how we tend to see certain themes arise at certain times. Whilst these sorts of comments are sadly forever present, I have had multiple people reach out to me of late regarding concerns around their little one’s body size, and the comments they have received from others about their little one’s body size or appetite.

Knowing how to navigate and respond to comments around our little one’s bodies can be incredibly tough, particularly when these comments often come out of the blue, from well-meaning family members, friends or older adults. Our immediate response is to either shut down and question ourselves, or become incredibly defensive. Unfortunately, diet culture has very insidiously ruined and distorted many a parent’s relationship with food and/or their body over the last few decades. There is a good chance that you are a child of well-meaning parents who told you to “eat all your veggies or you won’t get dessert” or that “your plate needs to be empty before you can leave the table” or “ice cream/lollies/chocolate is bad for you”. Couple that with then being told by society and media outlets as you got older, that you were eating too much or shouldn’t be eating carbohydrates or fats, or that the perfect body is that of a size 6 model…Confusing huh? We really had no chance, did we?

The above statements have trained us, over time, to not only pick apart our bodies finding everything we dislike about it or want to change, but to also ignore our hunger and fullness cues and micromanage every meal we eat. Do we feel good about it? Do we enjoy doing these things and spending our days disliking what we see in the mirror? I’m going to hazard a guess and say that you probably don’t…but it’s really hard to rewire your brain to see food as just that, and to instead appreciate our bodies for enabling us to move around, exercise, breathe, grow and birth our babies, deal with sleep deprivation, and be bombarded with day-care sickness.

Whilst many hold that opinion that our babies and toddlers have no idea what is being said, I (and the research) begs to differ. Australian statistics are showing that children as young a five are being diagnosed with eating disorders, restricting their food and water intake. They are also showing that 55% of girls and 57% of boys aged 8 to 9 years of age have reported feeling dissatisfied with their body. Heartbreaking, right? So, although I do feel the world is slowly changing how they view diets and body image, it all still begs the question – how do we protect out little ones from having to experience all of this, and instead, ensure they grow up with a healthy relationship with food and their body?

First, it is really important as a parent to check in with your preconceived ideas around food and health. Whilst our infants and young toddlers have a minimal understanding early on, they are always listening, so the language we use around food and when talking about their body, but also our own, is key. It’s our job to explain to our little ones that food gives us the ability to fuel our bodies to do all sorts of wonderful things. It is also our job, to ensure that our little ones know that their body size and appearance is the least important thing about them, instead focusing on how kind they are, how brave they are, what a wonderful sense of humour they have, or how much you enjoy spending time with them.

Like us, you might like to implement a “rule” in your home that discourages any negative talk about our bodies or food rules. I have asked families members to avoid discussing their body shape or size and any diet they may be on, in front of Franklin. I have also made it really clear that we don’t have rules around food – Franklin is never made to finish his meal, he is never force fed, he doesn’t have to eat all of his veggies and it is ok if he refuses a food or meal.

Another thing we have implemented in our house, that I strongly recommend to those I work with, is to avoid serving dessert. There will of course be times, where you are out and dessert naturally comes after a main meal or others are in charge of when food is served. This is unavoidable, but I would recommend that you avoid referring to food as dessert or special or insisting that other foods are eaten in order to earn dessert. When at home, if you plan on serving fruit, yoghurt, custard etc to your little one, instead of offering after the main meal, I would encourage you to offer alongside. There will be times where your little one only eats those foods, neglecting the rest of the meal, but that’s ok. If you find this is happening every time, simply avoid offering these foods at every meal to ensure your little one is given the opportunity to eat a wide variety of foods.

Another common question I get is how to deal with grandparents or other caregivers giving your little one “treats” every time they care for them. I haven’t personally had this issue with my parents, but I have cringed at the things daycare serve Franklin, but remind myself that it is such a small part of his week. Overall, it is an awkward predicament to be in, but I have some strategies for you.

·      First and foremost, if you can, simply have a conversation with those caring for your little one and educate them around the way in which you would like your little one to be fed. So much has changed since we were children, and sometimes older adults just need a little reminder

·      If possible, try to pack your little one’s food for when they are away from you. This not only gives you a little bit of control back, but may also take the pressure off other caregivers – maybe they don’t know what your little one should be eating each day?

·      Consider that maybe “treats” are because grandma or grandpa are excited to be caring for your little one and that the novelty will probably wear off

·      Finally, acknowledge that your little one isn’t eating these foods every day of the week, for every meal. Instead, ask other caregivers to just avoid referring to these foods as treats or as special. If they are taking your little one out for ice-cream once a week, just ask that they don’t make a big deal about it. Whilst its added sugar your little one could probably do without, we can instead reframe the situation and look at it as a lovely opportunity for your little one to bond with someone else, for you to have some time when you’re not parenting, and for you to help create a lovely relationship between your little one and food.

Finally, I wanted to touch on comments made about our little ones and their portion sizes and/or body size. This is becoming increasingly more prevalent, for all the reasons I listed above, and it can be really hard to know how best to respond. So, below are some of my favorite ways to gently reeducate others, when comments are made about your little one’s body or food.

• “Did you know that children are born with the ability to regulate their appetite perfectly? We are trying really hard to respect that our little one knows exactly how much their body needs to have the energy to grow and play.”

• “We prefer not to make comments about body size as we want our little ones to know that the size or shape of their body is the least important thing about them.”

• “Bodies come in all different shapes and sizes – the world would be a boring place if we all looked the same!”

• “I know you mean well, but there are so many other wonderful things about our little one to talk about.”

We have so many daunting responsibilities as parents, but I feel really strongly about raising little people that remain as unaffected by diet culture as possible. So, I hope these strategies are useful and help you feel more confident taking on the task. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could raise a generation of humans that had a beautiful relationship with food and saw themselves as beautiful inside and out, irrespective of how they looked?